Practice Log Updates

It's been about a month since I last posted a practice log. There are a few reasons for that...

First, and probably least, I've moved across the country. It's been a big deal, and has cut into my time for writing. I mention this first because its obvious and easy to articulate.

The main reason though is that the practice is shapeshifting. That's the thing about K...if you try to pin her down, turn the flow of this process in routine, she will shape-shift. And I have certainly had to face my need for structure and "report-ability".

The researcher in me has struggled against this. All my actual training is about repeatability. Its sort of core to the "scientific method"... so it's been ...illuminating...to feel the resistance that has popped up as things have evolved in my actual experience.

I've had to choose - is this about the process itself, which is healing me in deep, personal, intimate ways that may never be fully articulated or documented? Or is it about "doing"?

I started documenting things precisely because it had been so stable, and predictable for well over a year. The format of the previous posts in this series emerged over that time. It feels like a bit of a cosmic prank that, only a few weeks into using that framework to "bottle the genie" (poorly), now it's all changing...a lot.

The weekly practices are still happening, but the pattern has changed. I'm still mapping the movements of energy but it's gotten less physical and more emotional/mental/psychic. Deeper in.

I'll continue to share the maps for as long as I'm able to create and/or share them. (the ones from the past weeks are posted below), but the poses are no longer a major part of the experience. And in fact, I've finally been able to resume my daily yoga practice. This had been out of bounds for several years now as it triggered too much, either kriya-wise and /or trauma-wise, which tends to disrupt my ability work and do normal daily life. The weekly 4+ hour sessions have been my outlet for that. Still are, though now it's changing...into what? I do not know...

But it feels like a big step forward. Or perhaps another loop around this strange spiral-ic, oceanic chaos that is my experience of kundalini. She is wild, free, often unhinged, sometimes terrifying, sometimes blissful. I've never felt more alive.

Now, she surges in rhythm with the lunar cycles. As the moon fills, she wakes me extremely early and meditative states access old injuries and information stored in tissues. And I sing, and dance.

I sing to myself and the collective. Themes are increasingly global, even galactic, while "my trauma" is but a mirror or perhaps a well-aligned series of cracks that let this bigger picture shine through. Sleep deprivation terrifies me, but 4 hours, no more are allowed during the 7-ish days leading to and post full moons.

Have I gone 'were?

Then it passes and I sink back into long nights of restful sleep with more or less "normal" life in between. Time to recover, integrate, prepare for her next stormy arrival.

Maps for the missing weeks

Here are a few additional maps created before this latest "shape-shift". A picture is worth a thousand words, or so they say. We shall see.

From July 12...

Here you may notice the numbers are written upside down. I tend to do that when the dyslexia is too high for me to flip the mirrored L/R bodily experience for the page. So I turn the page upside down and draw as though on myself, from above.

As a reminder, or in case this is your first time seeing these, the numbers indicate the order of energy flows. There is generally a sensation of "exiting" the top of the head or of "blockage" that "terminates" a flow, and begins another. All representations are highly intuitive and/or based on the kinetic sensations of movement, temperature, weighty-ness, intensity, etc.

July 19

(Seems to be missing. I will post if I can locate.)

July 26

Aug 2

I think this one was a preview of the things to come; it was far more emotional than physical, a sort of breaking through between the physical body through to the emotions trapped there. While that's not wholly new, it was expansive in a new way.

Flows 1, 2, and 3, where less "flows" than full body sensations that occurred simultaneously... where 4-6 were